He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
