the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
