This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
two words: eviction party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
