Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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