so that wasnt chicken after all
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
