Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
