i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
