he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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