Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
