Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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