Will you blow on my dice?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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