My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
