Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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