we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
