If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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