Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
