i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
