"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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