sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
