Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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