youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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