I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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