and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
