you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
