All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
