Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
