Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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