Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
