I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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