I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
