everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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