I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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