I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
