I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
