I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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