i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
