i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
