I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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