i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
