I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
