whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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