I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
