By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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