I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
