So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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