it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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