so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
