I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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