so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
