Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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